Cloth Diaper Basics

Is there anything better than a chubby baby in diapers?! When they’re bundled in cloth diapers, they have the cutest, waddly bums! But is it worth it to cloth diaper your baby? When we got pregnant with our first, my husband and I sat down to have a conversation about diapers. Seriously, the thought of using up 12 disposables a day as a newborn shocked me a little bit, as did the calculations for how much it would cost! We did a little research and committed to cloth diapering our babes, and today we thought we’d share some of the cloth diapering basics we learned.

We’ll be talking about (click on the topic to jump to that section):

• Why we cloth diaper
• Types of diapers
• Useful accessories
• Laundry
• My Biggest hangups
• Random tidbits

Disclaimer: This article isn’t intended to convince you to cloth diaper, or make you feel bad if you use disposables! I just wanted to share our experience, in case you were curious. I’ve also linked a lot of the specific products I use, but they’re just so you have a reference point. No sponsored or affiliate links here!

Why we cloth diaper

Saving money – my primary concern was the finances. We live in a condo where water and electricity are included in our condo fees, so the only cost we incur for using cloth diapers is for the actual diapers and any accessories we buy. We actually received a lot of our stash for free, so our startup cost was probably less than $400. On average, even if you pay for your utilities, you end up saving money by cloth diapering.

Environmental impact – a large percentage of landfill waste is composed of disposable diapers! The resources used to create disposable diapers also exceed the resources used to create, clean and maintain cloth diapers, apparently.

Chemicals – I don’t know that I’m fully convinced that the chemicals in disposable diapers are hazardous to a baby, but that’s what some people say. I figured we’d play it safe by going cloth. We use a natural detergent so I know what’s coming in contact with my baby’s skin.

Cuteness factor – they can print all the trademarked cartoons they want on my diapers, but nothing will beat the beauty of a fabric color/print! There are so many varieties and colors to choose from, and they round out baby butts so nicely!

Faster potty training – Potty training is a whole other post, but I don’t know that having my daughter in cloth diapers affected how fast she potty trained (I think it was probably due more to plying her with chocolate and screen time. I know, parent fail. But she’s potty-trained, so I’m letting it go, lol). I understand the reasoning behind this, since cloth diapers let your little one know they’re wet, while disposables don’t. It was one of the reasons we decided to go cloth originally.

Reduced blowouts – because of the design of cloth diaper covers, we rarely had a poo blowout that wasn’t contained. Most of the time, the elasticized waistband kept everything in!

Types we use 

 

All-in-ones (AIOs) - These cloth diapers are basically the cloth version of a disposable. It has a waterproof outer layer and absorbent layers inside. Most of the pieces are connected, so you use it once and then you need to wash it. We pull these out when we have babysitters, so that they don’t need to worry about folding cloth, etc.

Prefolds (+ waterproof cover) - Closest to the traditional cloth diaper, these have layers of cloth sewn together for absorbency. These layers save you the trouble of folding a flat piece of cloth over and over until it fits in a diaper. They’re rectangular in shape and need to be worn in a waterproof cover before you use them.

Fitteds (+ waterproof cover) - Fitteds are basically an all-in-one without a waterproof outer layer. They’re made of cloth that’s been cut and sewn into a diaper shape, so it's fitted to your babys' body. You need to put a waterproof cover over these, but they’re great for heavy wetters!

Pocket diaper - We use pocket diaper covers exclusively, but don’t actually use the pocket! Pocket covers have a pocket (duh) where you can insert a prefold or insert to absorb wetness. When you change the diaper, you have the option of just changing out the insert and keeping the cover.

Velcro vs. snaps - I prefer snaps (basically, buttons) over Velcro, especially for longevity. Velcro tends to snag slightly if you don’t close it properly, and Velcro is also easily undone by curious toddlers who desire to run naked around the house.

PUL covers vs. wool - Most of the covers I’ve seen and use are PUL (polyurethane laminate) covers, although I’d switch to wool if I was braver! PUL fabric basically has a shiny plastic coating on one side to make the fabric waterproof. The covers are usually lined with fleece or minky so that baby feels dry. Wool covers are waterproofed using/because of lanolin (yup, that same stuff they tell you to smear on your nipples as they crack and bleed, which naturally occurs in wool) and need to be lanolized again occasionally.  I aim to use one cover for the whole day, just changing out the inserts. If I get poop on the cover, though, I’ll grab a new one.

Brands - Everyone I know uses a different brand of cloth diaper, and everyone I know prefers their brand for different reasons. I decided to go with Applecheeks and Bummis diapers because a few friends recommended them, and they’re manufactured in Canada. Applecheeks also have limited edition cover designs that are highly sought after (and apparently go for way more than the retail price). I grabbed some Applecheeks inserts (they’re nice and soft!), but also inherited a load of Bummis organic cotton inserts, so that’s what we use. I’ve also used Totsbots AIOs, Rumparooz pocket diapers, Bamboozle fitteds, random Japanese flat inserts as well as Mother-Ease fitteds and covers.

Useful accessories

Wet bags – if you’re going to use cloth diapers on the go, you need a place to store the dirty ones until you can get home and launder them. These wet bags are mostly waterproof and also come in super-cute prints! They’re also made with PUL, usually.

Cloth wipes – I personally don’t use cloth wipes, but if you want to know exactly what you’re putting on baby’s skin, there are tons of these available. You wash them along with your diaper laundry (see below).

Disposable liners - Solid food poo is the stinkiest. And it’s not water-soluble, so you need to make sure you really get it off the diaper insert.

Prefold clip – we used Snappis to keep our inserts wrapped around our kids when they were newborns. This is the equivalent of the safety pins our grandmas used to use. After you wrap the insert around your baby, this clip helps keep it in place. Once my kids were bigger, we opted to fold and lay the inserts inside the cover, so we didn’t need these anymore.

Diaper pail & liner – you gotta have a place to store the dirty diapers until laundry day! We use a fairly large one and wash the liner along with the diapers. We don’t lock the lid but we’ve never had a problem with odors escaping.

Diaper sprayer – for those messy poops that won’t come off with a flick of the diaper. These (the sprayers, not the poo!) usually attach to your toilet and allow you to spray off any solid waste that’s stuck to your diaper. I try to spray my diapers in the toilet bowl (not above it) so that I can contain splattering.

Spray shield – as you can imagine, aiming pressurized water at poo can cause a bit of a mess. I don’t personally use one of the plastic shields, but sometimes I wish I had one so I know for sure that poo isn’t flying everywhere. It encases the diaper while you spray to reduce the mess.

Laundry

This is probably what most people want to know about! I often get asked about how much laundry I have to do, and whether it’s a lot more work to cloth diaper. With the stash I have, I only do diaper laundry once every week to week and a half. It’s super easy for breastfed babies because breastmilk poo is water-soluble so you don’t even need to scrape it off the diaper; just toss everything into the wash as is! Once your little one starts solids, you need to clean off any solid waste before you launder.

I use cloth-diaper friendly detergent that doesn’t build up, and I’ve only had to strip (i.e. deep clean) my diapers once to get rid of a funky smell in some of my diaper covers.

I like to tumble-dry my inserts because it makes them softer. I find line-drying them leaves them more crunchy and stiff, although I’ve used both and my kids didn’t seem to care either way. Tumble-drying until they’re about 75% dry and then hanging them makes them a bit softer, but not as soft as a full tumble-dry. With the covers, I always line-dry so they last longer.

My biggest hangups

Using cloth diapers on the go – you get used to trucking your clean and dirty diapers around, but it does increase your load. It’s also awkward if you forget that you had a poopy diaper sitting in a wet bag and discover it a few days after, once the poo has crusted on. True story.

Cleaning wet poops – if I don’t catch the poop soon enough and it smears everywhere, it’s more ick factor to clean it. Dry poops are easily tossed in the toilet but wet poops are clingers and usually have to be sprayed off.

Random tidbits

With our first, we started cloth diapering about 3-4 weeks in. I mean, seriously, no one needs to be a hero that first month, and I just couldn’t handle the thought of doing diaper laundry on top of the stress of adjusting to having a newborn. With our second, we started about a week in.

Make sure everyone in the household is on board. Bless my patient husband for coming along with me on our cloth-diapering journey! Through all the lugging and laundry, he’s been on board with cloth diapering. I mean, there’s the occasional day where he breaks and uses disposables, but for the most part, we share the burden of diaper changes and laundry. I think this is the sole reason we’ve been able to continue to cloth diaper. It would be discouraging and hard to cloth diaper if he wasn’t supportive of it.

We use disposables overnight, because both our kids are super-heavy wetters and I just couldn’t find a feasible solution for our leaking diapers. Seriously, the diapers ballooned to the size of little bowling balls because of all the layers and they still leaked overnight! No one wants to get up to a) change a diaper in the middle of the night plus b) change the sheets in the middle of the night plus c) soothe your child back to sleep in the middle of the night. We also use disposables when travelling because I don’t want to pack up my stash for a plane ride. So yeah, disposables ftw.

Also, can I just rave about cloth swim diapers here?! I mean, swim diapers are meant for the capture of solids, so why not just use a reusable cloth swim diaper instead of a disposable one? They’re super-cute and come in all sorts of patterns and sizes.

Let us know what your experience diapering has been! Do you have more questions about cloth? Leave us a message in the comments below or on our Facebook page!

Best Back to School Tips

It's either the best time of year, or the worst, depending on your perspective.  That's right, the kids are heading back to school!  Before the squeals of glee or tears of dread escape, we've scoured the interwebs for the best tips on managing the craziness of the first week.

1. Collect some healthy and quick lunch and snack ideas. There are tons of great nut-free ideas on the internet!
   
   
   
   
2. Figure out your morning plan. Mornings are the worst if you are not organized! Plan to get everything organized the night before to make your mornings less stressful. Choose outfits, pack lunches/backpacks, and plan breakfast the night before. Have your keys, wallet, cell phone etc. ready by the door so you're not stranded searching for important items right before you have to leave. I have a bin where I keep "important" items I don't want to forget on a table near my front door.  I especially love the idea of setting up a "family launch pad" to really organize those hectic mornings!
3. Start adjusting your family schedule now (if you haven't already).  Children thrive on routine, and starting a predictable schedule during the summer can help ease them into the school year.  This is the time to adjust bedtime so they're getting to sleep early enough to get up in the mornings!  It might mean cutting back on some evening activities, but it'll be worth it when you don't have gremlins in the morning!
4. If your child is starting at a new school, see if you can go in early to meet the teacher and get a tour of the school. If you are unsure, make sure you call ahead to find out exactly what documentation is needed (i.e. immunization records).
5. Practice compassion and emotional intelligence at home, to prep for school interactions. Sadly, bullying is a common occurrence in schools today. Try out some of our tips, and get a conversation started with your kids!

   

   Obviously super excited about starting school.  Or about her mother making her pose for a photo.

6. Shop and prep school supplies and labels. This was always my favourite thing to do as a kid...and even now! If you are on a budget, dollar stores are a great place to buy everything you need (yay for Dollarama!).  Get your kids involved so they're more invested in taking care of their supplies!
   
7. Take your annual photo to commemorate the year.  There are lots of cute ideas out there! If you want to keep it simple, just have your kid hold up a sign with the grade they are starting.

   

   Tip!  Have your child hold up a blank piece of paper and add the text in after!

8. Make up a fun tradition to start the year. Maybe a family trip to the local ice cream shop to celebrate the first day of school? 
9. Organize your space. Plan to post a large family calender in a visible location so you can track activities/events easily. Make sure to update it regularly and plan to review it daily so you know exactly what is going on (you don't want to be that parent that forgot to send in the field trip form, do you?). Set up a homework station with accessible school supplies and carve out a time each day to review what your kids did in school (it's also a great way to keep the lines of communication open). Keep backpacks, lunch boxes/containers in the same location so you are not wildly searching for things.
10. Remind children of traffic and bus safety. Review schoolbus safety including use of seat belts, crossing the street safely, and the names of people who are allowed to pick them up from school etc.
    

Hope the back the school transition goes smoothly for everyone and good luck to all those mamas who have little ones starting kindergarten! We will be in the same boat next year...yikes!

What are your best tips for prepping for back to school?  Let us know so we can start preparing ourselves now!

Baby-centered Parenting

I carry my son in a carrier, we co-sleep at night and he nurses on demand. Strollers, cribs and bottles are completely foreign to him. No, I'm not an attachment-style parent. I am a baby-centered parent. Baby-centered parenting captures the unique qualities of each child.

I followed my son's lead from the day he was born. Through careful observation, trial and error and allowing myself to get to know him, I have learned his likes and dislikes. I used strollers, bottles and cribs with my first born. Why such vastly different methods of parenting? Because my daughter is a different child with her own set of likes and dislikes. She needed her own space and never slept well beside me as an infant. She loved her crib. She took to a bottle easily and switched between breast and bottle feeding without difficulty. She preferred a stroller over a carrier and enjoyed being pushed for long walks. The exact opposite of my son.

Parents often worry that they will spoil their baby if they carry them too much or cuddle them to sleep. I get scolded by family members who are adamant that I am "spoiling" my son by nursing him too frequently and co-sleeping with him. They claim that he has developed bad habits and I will nurse him forever and he will never leave my bed. The reality is that it is NOT forever. One day, in the near future, my son will grow up and I will miss these early years where I had the opportunity to cuddle with him in bed and nurse him. I can already see huge changes in him. I used to have to go to bed with him at night and there was no way I could escape; he would sense my every movement and it's like we were totally in-sync. Remarkably, one night he decided he didn't need to be so close to me and rolled away. And now I can put him to bed and leave him to sleep. He did this on his own schedule without any sleep training. Some babies take well to sleep training, others don't. My son definitely did not. By following his lead instead of adhering to sleep schedules posted on the internet, I dropped all expectations and was able to take a more relaxed approach to parenting.

Each child is as unique as a fingerprint or a single snowflake. Only you, the parent, can learn exactly what your child needs to thrive. You are the expert. Not the books you are reading, not the countless family and friends that give you advice.  Not even Dr. Sears. No one knows your child as well as you do.

Here are some suggestions for how you can incorporate baby-centered parenting into your life:

• You know your baby best.  Listen respectfully to advice, read books and get information, but ultimately, trust your gut!
• Learn and track when your baby goes down easiest for naps/bedtime, when they are the hungriest for meals/snacks, and what calms them before bed.  Follow their cues to create an individualized routine. 
• Try baby-led weaning.  Allow your child to choose food and feed themselves (within reason, of course!) and see how they eat when they're doing it independently.
• Use baby sign to help you and your baby communicate.  It can be faster and clearer than using spoken language, and can help you to understand and respond to your baby's needs.
• If you find you're busy, try scheduling some intentional one-on-one time with baby to observe and bond.
• Try elimination communication and really get to know your baby!   We don't mean the potty-training part necessarily, but the part where you really seek to observe baby's elimination cues.

Things to keep in mind:

• Keep in mind that this is a short period of time!  Co-sleeping, nursing, etc. don't last forever.
• Safety first.  Educate yourself so you know what's safe and what's not for baby.  
• Babies and kids thrive on routine. Just because you're following your baby's lead, doesn't mean you shouldn't provide structure.
• Know when to ask for help if you need a break. Don't forget to take care of yourself:)
  
  

What do you think of baby-centred parenting? How would you describe your parenting style? Let's share our expertise so we can figure out this crazy parenting gig together!

Confessions of a Creepy Parent

Peekaboo!  I see you!

We're so thrilled to be guest bloggers on the Parent Life Network again!  If you haven't seen our post already, check out the 12 creepiest things parents do. Yes, we really are that creepy;)

And a very special thanks to all of our loyal Smocks & Sprinkles readers who motivate us to keep posting!

Love,

Nancy & Michelle

Instilling Compassion & Empathy in Younger Children

When I was pregnant with my first child I remember dreaming about what character traits I would want her to have. Compassion was the first thing that came to mind. The world would be a much better place if everyone had even an ounce more compassion inside of them.  How can we instill compassion and empathy in our children? Cognitively, empathy takes time to develop. However, there are ways to start planting the seeds of compassion at a young age. My daughter is only 3 and it is amazing to see how empathetic and compassionate she is becoming with each passing day.

Learning About Emotions
Our post on feelings is a great place to start! Teaching children to express their emotions and to learn to read other people's emotions is the first step to developing empathy and compassion. My daughter has learned how to read other people's facial expressions. If she sees me grimace, she will often say, "Mommy, what's the matter? Are you sad? Do you need a kiss?" Take opportunities to talk about how your children feel in different situations, and ask your little ones how they think others are feeling.

Giving To Others 
Use every opportunity you can to teach your child the importance of giving to others. The act of giving to another teaches selflessness. Have your child participate in making or picking out birthday/special occasion presents for friends and family members. If someone is sick, have your child make them a card. If you pass a homeless person on the street, give your child some money to hand to them. If you see a hungry squirrel in the park, encourage your child to give it some food. Make sure you explain why you are doing these nice acts. For example, "Your friend isn't feeling well, so it will make her so happy if you make her a special card," or, "Grandma's birthday is coming up and she would be so happy if you made her a craft."  You are teaching your child that it is important to serve and help others, and make other people and creatures feel good!  :)

Painting a picture for Grandpa's birthday!

Observing the World 
Help your child understand that other people/creatures have feelings by pointing things out as they interact with the world. For example, if you see another child fall down and start crying in a park, point it out to your child and say, "Oh dear, she fell and hurt herself.  She's crying because she's sad, so let's see if she needs a hand."  Or if you're on the subway and a person with a cane comes in, you might say, "That man looks tired and it might be hard for him to stand up.  Let's see if he would like to sit down to rest."  Your child will start learning to notice others around them and think of ways to help. Just today my daughter was sitting on a seat in the subway while I stood beside her and she looked up and said, "Mommy, would you like my seat?"  You could even make this a game and see who can come up with more ways to help others you see around you!

Role-Playing 
Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is empathy in a nutshell. Role-playing is a great way to introduce your child to this concept. For example, after reading a story, have your child pretend to be a character in the book. Pick out characters that go through various difficulties. My daughter's favourite book is about a bunny that wishes she had friends (Snow Bunny's Christmas Wish by Rebecca Harry). I have my daughter pretend to be Snow Bunny who is lonely and asks Santa for friends for Christmas. After we are done playing, we talk about how we can make someone like Snow Bunny feel better. I have watched her transfer this learning to a real life situation when there was a little girl alone in the playground. My daughter said, "Mama, she looks lonely.  I will be her friend," and off she went to play with her. It was definitely a proud mama moment! <3

Role Modelling 
You are your child's role model. They are watching your every move. They will copy the way they see you interacting with the world. Holding doors for others, offering your seat in the subway, helping an elderly person cross the street, stopping to check on an injured animal, making food for your sick neighbour, etc. are all actions that teach your child compassion. Role-modelling is the single most powerful tool you have to teach your child. Use it well.

Reading about Compassion and Empathy
Books are amazing for teaching your little ones about all sorts of things, so why not use them to instill compassion in them?  Here are some of the books we read or stories we tell our children (no affiliate links!  Just books we love!):

• The Three Questions
• The Berenstain Bears Think of Those in Need
• The Hundred Dresses (for grade 3 +)
• The Giving Tree
• Under the Lemon Moon
• Bear Feels Sick
• My Brother Charlie
• The Lion and the Mouse
• Zen Shorts
• Sneetches on Beaches

Pin me for later!

Tip! Make up your own stories where your child is the main character performing altruistic actions. For example, my daughter loves the story where she is a caring princess that saves orphaned baby animals in the magical forest. She really enjoys acting out the story while I tell it to her.

How do you instill compassion/empathy in your child? Please share your ideas with us so we can work together to raise children that will make a positive change in this world!

Heart to Heart: Seventeen Things Any New Parent Should Know

1. Don't get used to anything. Baby sleeping through the night at 6 weeks? Don't hold your breath, these little monkeys change minute to minute. So throw those expectations out the window! With expectations comes disappointment. Expect change and accept that it is a natural part of development. 
   
2. Don't be a hero. If you need help, ask for it. Recognizing you need help and having the courage to ask for it is an important part of parenting. Seek out help from family, friends or consider hired help (i.e. House cleaner) if financially feasible. Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated will make you miserable. You will be a much happier parent if you get the help you need. Happy parent = happy kid. 

   

   Special time with grandpa means break for you!

3. Laugh often (it sure beats crying). Fifth explosive poop of the day? Laugh that sh*t off! A friend will totally find it hilarious if you text them saying you're having the sh*ttiest day in history. Try to find the humour in your everyday parenting adventures. 
   
4. It's okay to feel frustrated; you're only human. Oh there will be good days and bad days! It's totally normal to feel frustrated on those not so good days. Find the right outlet to release your frustrations. Blogging is one of my outlets. Wine is another...kidding, kinda;) 
5. Go with the flow. Just like birthing plans need a lot of flexibility, so does everyday life with small children. Things will happen and you need to be able to adapt very quickly. Like the time my kid pooped her pants in the playground for the second time and we had to rush home. 

   

   uh oh, what is she up to now?

6. Remember this is only a very small period in the grand scheme of life. This is what keeps me going everyday. I actually find myself stopping to savour some moments (those rare moments when the stars align and your children are being angels) because I know I will never have this time again.  

   

   Time really does fly...sigh.

7. Follow your gut. You know your children and your family better than anyone else in the world. If something doesn't feel right, listen to your instincts. You truly are the expert when it comes to your child. 
8. Don't spend your energy worrying about what others are doing. There will always be that parent trying trying to "one-up you" on Facebook. You know, the "just fed my kid healthy chia seed pudding for snack"...oh wait...that's me. Haha! No,  but seriously, you are doing your best for your child and family and that's all that should matter. That being said we should also avoid being judgmental of other parents and their decisions. How others choose to parent their children does not impact us. Like seriously, that mother choosing to breastfeed her four-year-old has absolutely zero impact on me. We should be respectful of one another; we're all parents unified with the common goal of caring for our children. 

   

   We are all doing our best to care for our children <3
9. See the world through your child's eyes and live for the moment. Everything is so new and almost magical to little children. I love watching my three-year-old daughter's eyes widen in amazement when she experiences something new. I used to get frustrated walking to the store with her because it would literally take what felt like hours to get down the street. She would notice every little detail: the purple flowers budding in the neighbour's lawn; the chubby robin looking for worms; the leaves changing into autumn colours. All details I stopped taking the time to notice. Now I stop and take the time to experience the world with her; and it's made me learn to appreciate the beautiful world we live in. 
   
10. Slow down. So what if you're going to be 15 minutes late for that play date or for gymnastics class? Rushing is only going to lead to frustration. There is nothing worse than rushing in the morning with little kids. If you need to get somewhere important (i.e. work) then be sure to plan ahead. Otherwise, slow the heck down! 
11. Kids are meant to get dirty so embrace it. Kids learn through hands on activities. Let them attempt to shovel that yogurt into their mouths (that will inevitably end up all of the highchair, floor and even possibly the ceiling); or finger-paint all over the kitchen table (covered with a plastic table cloth of course) to their hearts content. If my kids look dirty at the end of the day, I know it was a great day!

    

    Mmmm...messy watermelon all over the picnic blanket.

12. Educate yourself. Is your toddler throwing another seemingly irrational tantrum? No, he/she is not possessed (although it really does appear that way). Cancel that exorcism because tantrums are a part of normal child development. Understanding the phases of child development makes it easier to empathize and sympathize with your child. 

    

    Melt down because her kite didn't fly high enough.

13. Take a step back. As long as your child is in a safe environment there is no need to hover. Let them explore their surroundings. They are naturally curious and we should be cultivating this behaviour. Play date conflict between toddlers? Stand back and see if they are able to work it out on their own. Obviously intervene if things are getting out of hand! 
    
14. Utilize your resources and connect with other parents. We are truly lucky to have access to so many parenting resources in our communities. Early Years Centres, public libraries etc. are all great places to get information and to take your kids for programs. It's also a perfect way to meet other parents in your community. And villagemommy.com is a free service that matches you with local like-minded mommies within walking distance! 
15. Get out. I find I get a little squirrelly if I don't get out with the kids daily. There is always some drop-in program available if you know where to look. Or just head to the park if it's a nice day. Kids are way better behaved with some fresh air in their lungs. 
    
16. Take care of yourself. This is a tough one. I know I certainly stopped putting my needs first since kids came along, but recently I found myself taking a step back and reevaluating my lifestyle. I rarely eat proper meals because I'm too busy making sure the kids are fed well. I stopped exercising because I can't seem to find the time or I'm too exhausted. And yet, nutrition and exercise are the two things that should not be sacrificed. If I'm not healthy, I can't look after my kids, it's as simple as that. They are relying on me to be healthy. I'm now making it a priority to eat well and exercise. 
17. Your time is sacred so use it wisely. Now is the time to rid your life from anyone or anything that wastes your time or sucks up your energy. Learning to say "no" is an important skill and there is no better time to use it.
    

What advice do you have for new parents? Let's create a supportive, loving community where we have each other's backs! Let us know what you wish you could tell new moms!

5 Ways to Love Your Child

I love cuddles!  To my chagrin, my husband is not much of a touchy-feely guy.  His definition of cuddling is a quick hug (don't worry, I've informed him that he's wrong).  But I digress.  My point is, people feel and express love in different ways.  When I got married, I realized that I really feel loved through things like physical touch, while my husband feels loved when I spend quality time with him or I buy him gifts.

We got this idea of different ways to feel loved from a book called The Five Love Languages, and it really helped us show love in ways that the other person understands and actually feels loved.  It's really affected the way that I parent my children and show them I love them in a tangible way.

To summarize, you can express/feel love in different ways, and there are specific ways that make us each feel especially loved.  Chapman lists 5 main ways in which we show and receive love (we probably feel loved in all these ways, but our primary love language makes us feel especially loved):

1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Receiving gifts

When I first had my daughter, I started to wonder how I could show her I loved her.  As a newborn, I figured I would concentrate on showing her my love through physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.  I know she hadn't developed the ability to speak yet, but even infants can register tone of voice and other communication cues!

As she grew, I really made an effort to observe what made her happy and what she liked to spend time doing.  For example, my daughter loves to cuddle and read books, and she's always up for a good tickle or hug.  As we observed last Christmas, she really could care less about getting material gifts (can we talk about how kids seem to like the boxes and tissue paper more than the gifts?!).  She also doesn't seem to focus too much on our compliments or words of encouragement.  Now let me make a disclaimer here...I think she does feel encouraged through things like words or gifts, but she feels loved more tangibly when I give her a kiss or a tickle.  Her face lights up and she reciprocates with a hug and an, "I love you, mama!"  When she opens a present, she just isn't as excited as when I hug her.  I also think she likes to play and read books together because she really gets her love tank filled through spending quality time together.

My physical touch girl loves hugs.  And being carried.  All.the.time.

As she gets older, I figure I'll resort to asking her how she feels loved, so that I can really focus my expressions of love.  I also think that her primary love languages might change over time, so I'll probably re-evaluate every once in a while to effectively communicate my love to her.  Have you observed what makes your child especially happy?  What makes them feel especially loved?

Here are some ways I brainstormed to show your love to your child in the 5 ways (plus a handy infographic I found online):

Physical touch - hug, hold hands, kiss, tickle, wrestle, carry, piggyback, backrub/massage, sit close to each other
Quality time - spend focused time together where you aren't distracted by other people/media, do chores together, read, play, paint, cook, go on a date
Words of affirmation - praise, tell them you love them (especially randomly, unrelated to achievements or things they've done), write them a card/note of encouragement, tell them how proud you are of them, praise them in front of others
Acts of service - help with projects, homework, chores, give rides, make their favourite meal, fix a toy, or anything else that is important to your child (which are not necessarily things that you think are helpful!)
Receiving gifts - (the cost of these gifts isn't as important as the thought) give cards, toys, books, give them things unrelated to an occasion

From Focus on The Family

Tip!  You can also figure our your child's love language by observing what upsets them most.  Did you cancel a date with them?  Is your son upset because you can't carry him?  Was your daughter disappointed that she didn't get a present from a relative?

I actually read this book initially because my friend shared with me how it changed her daughter's behaviour!  She had a daughter who was always getting into physical fights at school, and after reading The Five Love Languages of Children, she realized that her daughter's primary love language was physical touch.  They started wrestling and tickling her more at home, in addition to hugs and kisses, and her daughter stopped fighting virtually overnight.  Isn't that amazing?  I know, it's just one example, but it just goes to show you how much we need to feel loved!

This is just a short summary of what I've observed and how I'm growing in my communication skills.  I really want to communicate that I love my children in ways they actually feel loved (and not how I think they should feel loved).  And I'm trying to do it as much as I can right now, while they're young, because who knows what will happen when they're teens (ugh I am so not looking forward to those years)?!

How do you show your kids you love them?   Have you noticed that you feel especially loved when it's expressed in a certain way?

P.S.  Feel free to let your significant other know what your primary love language is!  And make sure they know that your love tank is infinitely big, so they can feel free to continue to fill it.  Forever.  ;)